Let Go and Let God

Hello everyone!! So I reread last weeks assignment on prayerlessness. I have known for a long time that this was an issue in my life. I have had a difficult time understanding admitting why. It wasn’t until I read this weeks lesson on legalism that it made more sense. I have told you all before I am a list maker. I plan out my day to the minute. So I have “prayer time” written down on my schedule. It begins with fifteen minutes of worship, prayer, then read my bible. A lot of the time I even have a checklist of things to pray for. As a result of this set in stone prayer formula I began to hate prayer. Really! It seemed so boring, so routine. There was no joy, passion, peace, nothing. Just something else to cross off on my to do list. If I had a bad morning, yelled at my kids, slept in, my dog peed on the floor, I skipped the prayer time altogether. If I didn’t feel spiritually fit I chose not to pray. Well after several days of choosing not to seek God I also chose to go through my life on my own. Feeling very alone and frustrated I beat myself up even more. “If only I was more consistent, I told a lie today, I was unkind, selfish, prideful, lazy. I didn’t read my bible, I didn’t pray before I ate.” Then maybe I would “feel” God. Then if I had a good day, read my allotted fifteen minutes, was patient, kind, forgiving, humble… Where is God??? I am so all or nothing that I am completely missing out on a “relationship” with God. Either I am sinning and I hide from God. Or I try and complete some fake idea of a checklist to get on God good side. So this week I am trying some new things. I went to prayer on Sunday morning. I don’t know how many of you go but I would encourage to try it. It was so out of my element. There was nothing familiar or routine there. I let myself go to worship or listen or read or pray or cry. It was beautiful. This morning when I got up I had a time with Jesus. But no set time or agenda. I just surrendered the time to him. IT was our time to enjoy each other, not run down the list of needs and go on my way. I love how Beth Moore describes her desire and hunger for Jesus. I am so tired of settling for this mundane legalistic life. I want to chase God with complete abandon. I want to stop putting God and Christianity in a box. There is so much more to this life. I can’t wait to read next week and continue on this journey of freedom!! Blessings to you all!!