pride killer

So another week, another character flaw to tackle. This one unfortunatly happens to be a hard one for me to let go. I want to share something that happened to me recently. Many of you know my children Hunter and Lillian. Hunter sometimes sports a mohawk and is very sweet. Lillian is cute as can be with a mind of her own and no fear (except scary halloween masks). A couple weeks ago we attended a lunch at the park to celebrate The Hilliard boys being dedicated. Some of you might have also been there. The weather was beautiful and we were having a great time. Hunter, for some unknown reason decided to test my authority that day. He argued with everything I said. He was disrespectful and rude. I finally had enough and decided we were going home. Then came one of the most humiliting experiences of my life. Hunter threw the mother of all tantrums. Screaming, punching, kicking, biting! I had to literally drag him across the entire park! He would break free from me and I would have to chase him down. There were hundreds of eyes on me as took the long walk of shame across the parking lot. Then I spent ten minutes getting him into the car, you would be surprised how strong six year old boys are. There was a man sitting in a car next to us. He stuck his head out his window and said, "Hey, Why don't you beat that kid?" And mumbled some other not so nice words under his breath. I sat down and started crying. Had I failed as a mother? My children are a reflection of me. How they look, and behave, and are perceived is just an extension of my identity. Right? If I have the perfect kids, the cleanest house, the nicest clothes, the best written blog, the most talent, the most money then you will like me, admire me, love me. Some strange man crushed my spirit in the parking lot because I chose to believe that my sons behavior mirrored my ability as mom. My entire life is centered on pride. I know this is getting really long, but I just need to be completely honest. My house is not always clean, my kids are not always well behaved. I am not perfect and I don't have to be. I want so badly to build my identity and worth in who I am in Christ and I think I need to first tear down the facade I wanted everyone to see. Thank you all for listening to me ramble. I would very much like to be held accountable for memorizing the verse!!! See you Sunday Rhonda!