reflection...
Hello,
My name is Corey, and for those of you who don't know me, I just recently got married... In August. I have been thinking alot and praying that God would help me realize how all of this is relevent in my life and so far this is what I have come up with.
As I look back on the past year and half of my life, I see a lot of difficult circumstances. My husband Paul, has been dealing with an issue that he has had a long part of his life. Until just recently, about a year a half ago, it exploded and surfaced. I will try and make this as easy to understand as possible without going into detail and compromising him or the other people involved. It is a situation that he had been running from and thought he could handle on his own because he was to ashamed and embarrased to admit it. Well, it's huge, especially knowing this was the man I was going to marry. It would have a huge effect on us if he couldn't get it under control and worked on by then. Well, along the way I was completely supportive, non- judgemental and tried to be an encouragement. I finally was able to talk him into getting some help and opening up which was great. I truly thought through all of this I was fine and I could handle it.
Well, due to the circumstances of this issue, it affected his relationship with his then best friend and he had to cut all ties in order to continue healing. I had a really hard time with this because he was a mutual friend to us both. I just began thinking to myself, " well, I can still be friends with him even if Paul can't. " We kept up a friendship for a month or so when everything started to change. My wedding was a month and a half away, and Paul and I were growing farther and farther apart. He was so focused on getting help and healing so he was at a position where he could give his all to me, and I, without realizing it was pushing him farther and farther as my way of " dealing " with all this. Our communication begain to diminish. First, he droped the bomb of the situation, then we had to cut ties with our friend, then we needed to dis-assoctiate ourselves with the church we had been at and where all our friends were. I was starting to feel completly overwhelmed. This other friend and I had started to create this " bond" that became very dangerous. He was the only other person who was going through all this with me I felt, and could understand the most. Instead of going to God with my needs, I started to find my fullfillment and satisfaction in this other person. I now was doubting my relationship with Paul and whether or not I even wanted to get married.
The other guy and I then came to the conclusion we could no longer engage in this relationship/friendship we were in. We had been walking a fine line to a dangerous road that neither one of us truly wanted to go down. So, two and half weeks until my wedding and I couldn't eat, I coudln't sleep, I lost weight and had such a restless mind. I couldn't even work. I was at a complete meltdown where I felt like I had hit " rock bottom" and had no emotion. I didn't know what I wanted, what to do, who to turn to, or how I had even gotten to this place.
Well as i started praying and surrounding myself with godly friends and constant prayer, God mercifully began to bring me out of this place. It wasn't until I completly humbled and humiliated myself that God could start to change me and mold me and bring me to a better place. I got married, overjoyed and so happy, and finally felt an amazing sense of peace over my life and the situation.
So, I am telling you all this because I realized that I didn't KNOW God like I thought I did. I had trusted in myself and my own strength to get me through instead of believing God for who he is, what he can do and what his word says. I didn't believe he could handle this issue in my life and take care of me. My pride had stepped in the way thinking I was fine on my own. I could get myself through this and Paul too. I wouldn't give God the reins and trust him to take care of it. I then sought after satisfaction and fulfillment in the wrong place after not getting it where I truly needed it. I thought this other guy had everything to offer me that Paul hadn't been giving, when instead I should have been praying and seeking God even more to fill those empty area's.
God has revealed to me so many area's that I need to work on and be " set free from " through this study, pretty much everything we have covered so far. It is kind of embarrasing to admit it and very humbling. I am sorry this is so long, but I just thought i would share with you that God is working in my life and this study has really spurred my desire to be changed and knowledge of the freedom i need in my life. Unfortunatley, our actions do have consequences, and I still am dealing with those repercusions now, but with every day it gets easier, and my sorrow, guilt, and resentment turn to peace, happiness and love as I seek after God.
My name is Corey, and for those of you who don't know me, I just recently got married... In August. I have been thinking alot and praying that God would help me realize how all of this is relevent in my life and so far this is what I have come up with.
As I look back on the past year and half of my life, I see a lot of difficult circumstances. My husband Paul, has been dealing with an issue that he has had a long part of his life. Until just recently, about a year a half ago, it exploded and surfaced. I will try and make this as easy to understand as possible without going into detail and compromising him or the other people involved. It is a situation that he had been running from and thought he could handle on his own because he was to ashamed and embarrased to admit it. Well, it's huge, especially knowing this was the man I was going to marry. It would have a huge effect on us if he couldn't get it under control and worked on by then. Well, along the way I was completely supportive, non- judgemental and tried to be an encouragement. I finally was able to talk him into getting some help and opening up which was great. I truly thought through all of this I was fine and I could handle it.
Well, due to the circumstances of this issue, it affected his relationship with his then best friend and he had to cut all ties in order to continue healing. I had a really hard time with this because he was a mutual friend to us both. I just began thinking to myself, " well, I can still be friends with him even if Paul can't. " We kept up a friendship for a month or so when everything started to change. My wedding was a month and a half away, and Paul and I were growing farther and farther apart. He was so focused on getting help and healing so he was at a position where he could give his all to me, and I, without realizing it was pushing him farther and farther as my way of " dealing " with all this. Our communication begain to diminish. First, he droped the bomb of the situation, then we had to cut ties with our friend, then we needed to dis-assoctiate ourselves with the church we had been at and where all our friends were. I was starting to feel completly overwhelmed. This other friend and I had started to create this " bond" that became very dangerous. He was the only other person who was going through all this with me I felt, and could understand the most. Instead of going to God with my needs, I started to find my fullfillment and satisfaction in this other person. I now was doubting my relationship with Paul and whether or not I even wanted to get married.
The other guy and I then came to the conclusion we could no longer engage in this relationship/friendship we were in. We had been walking a fine line to a dangerous road that neither one of us truly wanted to go down. So, two and half weeks until my wedding and I couldn't eat, I coudln't sleep, I lost weight and had such a restless mind. I couldn't even work. I was at a complete meltdown where I felt like I had hit " rock bottom" and had no emotion. I didn't know what I wanted, what to do, who to turn to, or how I had even gotten to this place.
Well as i started praying and surrounding myself with godly friends and constant prayer, God mercifully began to bring me out of this place. It wasn't until I completly humbled and humiliated myself that God could start to change me and mold me and bring me to a better place. I got married, overjoyed and so happy, and finally felt an amazing sense of peace over my life and the situation.
So, I am telling you all this because I realized that I didn't KNOW God like I thought I did. I had trusted in myself and my own strength to get me through instead of believing God for who he is, what he can do and what his word says. I didn't believe he could handle this issue in my life and take care of me. My pride had stepped in the way thinking I was fine on my own. I could get myself through this and Paul too. I wouldn't give God the reins and trust him to take care of it. I then sought after satisfaction and fulfillment in the wrong place after not getting it where I truly needed it. I thought this other guy had everything to offer me that Paul hadn't been giving, when instead I should have been praying and seeking God even more to fill those empty area's.
God has revealed to me so many area's that I need to work on and be " set free from " through this study, pretty much everything we have covered so far. It is kind of embarrasing to admit it and very humbling. I am sorry this is so long, but I just thought i would share with you that God is working in my life and this study has really spurred my desire to be changed and knowledge of the freedom i need in my life. Unfortunatley, our actions do have consequences, and I still am dealing with those repercusions now, but with every day it gets easier, and my sorrow, guilt, and resentment turn to peace, happiness and love as I seek after God.
posted by Anonymous | 3:26 PM
2 Comments:
THANK YOU for sharing this Corey. This is awesome, what God is doing in you. Thanks for being so honest.
di
Corey I am so excited for you and Paul. You have worked through some major issues and you have grown so much through it all. Thanks for sharing your story I think it will help someone know that we all go through struggles and with Christ we can make it through. You are amazing. I am excited that you are doing this Bible Study!
RHonda
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