Canyon Creek Chicks: reading
Canyon Creek Chicks: reading
Apple of His Eye
I have just finished catching up on my reading and studying of "Breaking Free". Chapters 18 & 19 bring back memories of my own childhood trauma. Last week I wrote about the effect it had on my marriage and I won't repeat all of that. So many, if not all of us have had things happen to us as children- I am so thankful that we are the "Apple of His Eye" and we can trust Him to rebuild our lives as we get older. My healing began when I learned my Mother was dying of cancer about 14 years ago. The grieving process triggered a huge flood of emotions in me that I had never dealt with before. The only emotion I had allowed myself to have was anger (at times rage) because of things that I went through as a child. I didn't trust anyone enough to let them see sadness in me. So as a Mother, my children didn't see much of any emotion except anger. I am not proud of this- it hurts even today to admit. Both my children know how much I love them and wish things had been different during those years. On to the victory...When I finally allowed God to heal my hurt I can remember it as if it happened yesterday. I had been crying (again) uncontrollably- which is something I hadn't done in literally years- and I was praying to God about my life, my marriage, my sadness.
The scripture that I was led to by the Spirit was John 5:1-8. This man had been an invalid for 38 years (the same age I was at the time this happened). He had been at the healing pool but hadn't been healed. Jesus asked him "do you want to get well?" The invalid said back to him " I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me." Then Jesus said to him, "Get up! Pick up your mat and walk." At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked." What a revelation that was to me that day. I had closed myself off at a young age and didn't allow anyone to help me- I didn't NEED anyone. Now here I was so blinded by the bondage of pride that I didn't know how to let God heal me. Wishing that my parents had nurtured me more, allowed me to be a child, whatever...thinking it was their fault that I was so messed up. And yet God in His mercy kept calling me and giving me opportunities to be healed. This was my moment, Jesus Himself- asking me "Do you want to get well?" And once I said yes the process began. It was not " at once"- it is an ongoing process but much of the healing happened over the next couple of years.
In saying all of that, I want to encourage those that are facing their moment. As Beth Moore points out God does not minimize the things that break our hearts. He wants us to drop our shield so He can heal the hurts. I'm so glad I did. Yesterday was my grand daughter's 3rd birthday! She is the "apple of God's eye" and mine too. I want to give her a Godly heritage that I didn't have growing up. I want her to experience all the blessings that God has planned for her. My challenge is to take time every day to pray for her!
Have a great week.
Apple of His Eye
I have just finished catching up on my reading and studying of "Breaking Free". Chapters 18 & 19 bring back memories of my own childhood trauma. Last week I wrote about the effect it had on my marriage and I won't repeat all of that. So many, if not all of us have had things happen to us as children- I am so thankful that we are the "Apple of His Eye" and we can trust Him to rebuild our lives as we get older. My healing began when I learned my Mother was dying of cancer about 14 years ago. The grieving process triggered a huge flood of emotions in me that I had never dealt with before. The only emotion I had allowed myself to have was anger (at times rage) because of things that I went through as a child. I didn't trust anyone enough to let them see sadness in me. So as a Mother, my children didn't see much of any emotion except anger. I am not proud of this- it hurts even today to admit. Both my children know how much I love them and wish things had been different during those years. On to the victory...When I finally allowed God to heal my hurt I can remember it as if it happened yesterday. I had been crying (again) uncontrollably- which is something I hadn't done in literally years- and I was praying to God about my life, my marriage, my sadness.
The scripture that I was led to by the Spirit was John 5:1-8. This man had been an invalid for 38 years (the same age I was at the time this happened). He had been at the healing pool but hadn't been healed. Jesus asked him "do you want to get well?" The invalid said back to him " I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me." Then Jesus said to him, "Get up! Pick up your mat and walk." At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked." What a revelation that was to me that day. I had closed myself off at a young age and didn't allow anyone to help me- I didn't NEED anyone. Now here I was so blinded by the bondage of pride that I didn't know how to let God heal me. Wishing that my parents had nurtured me more, allowed me to be a child, whatever...thinking it was their fault that I was so messed up. And yet God in His mercy kept calling me and giving me opportunities to be healed. This was my moment, Jesus Himself- asking me "Do you want to get well?" And once I said yes the process began. It was not " at once"- it is an ongoing process but much of the healing happened over the next couple of years.
In saying all of that, I want to encourage those that are facing their moment. As Beth Moore points out God does not minimize the things that break our hearts. He wants us to drop our shield so He can heal the hurts. I'm so glad I did. Yesterday was my grand daughter's 3rd birthday! She is the "apple of God's eye" and mine too. I want to give her a Godly heritage that I didn't have growing up. I want her to experience all the blessings that God has planned for her. My challenge is to take time every day to pray for her!
Have a great week.
posted by Cheryl Forkner | 9:13 AM
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