Heart Inventory

Hello Ladies!!! Thank you so much Rhonda for sharing what you shared. You have so much to offer. I have pretty much memorized 1-4 in Isaiah 61. I had the amazing blessing of going with Di to the outreach where she spoke. A girl there who I knew in highschool prayed for me before we left and actually prayed that entire portion of scripture over me. It was a really awesome experience! I was reflecting on the heart chapters and what Cheryl said really brought something to the forefront of my mind. My dad left our family several times in my childhood. But when I was twelve he left for good. When I think of brokenhearted in my childhood I automatically think of him. However, I wasn't shocked by his choice. It didn't come out of nowhere and shatter my heart. It was almost as if my heart had been conditioning for that trauma all my life. There is something that did tear my heart to pieces. That was how my mom handled it. My mom was not an emotional person. She worked a lot and if she was sad or mad or upset we didn't see her. She would go in her room and cry. I could hear her crying. But she never came out and talked to me. I didn't know if it was even ok to be sad. So when my dad left for good, yes I was sad. But what really broke me was I wasn't allowed to mourn. I wasn't shown how to cope with the abandonment. I carried the anger and resentment around for a very long time and it was all directed at my mom. Why didn't she protect me? Why isn't she making it better? Why won't she hug me? What did I do? Letting go of that anger was really difficult for me. My mom recently got saved and went through a recovery program where she addressed her part in my neglect. She apologized to me for not being there emotionally or physically. It really meant a lot to me. I had let go of the anger already but her recognition really helped me heal further. I feel that God is really helping me grow and move forward. The more willing I am to let go of all this baggage, the more room there is for new hope and FREEDOM!