Battle of the Mind
Strongholds...I realy liked the illustration of a battlefield of the mind. It's like watching Braveheart. In the beginning the Scotts didn't really have a chance because they were divided and couldn't decide on one man to lead them. The whole war started with one clan and steadily built as the reputation and trust started to build around William Wallace. Once the people realized that he wasn't going to just back down when the English threw everything at them...that's when they all backed in behind him and they were a united force fighting the English who had ruled over them for centuries unfairly. Once that happened it was on and they ended up a free nation. In the end William Wallace doesn't yeild to the torture of the English and yells FREEDOM! Every time I hear and watch that scene I get chills. All he wanted was to be a free man and for his kids to grow up free from oppression.
I think that's how I see the battle of my mind. When I don't rely full on God Satan truly has the advantage. There is no way that I have a chance unless I rely on God. I have not lived a life full of freedom in Christ and just in these past few months I've been the one screaming FREEDOM. I am full of insecurities and it takes a lot for me to fight those. I struggle with loneliness sometimes and when opportunities come up to be around encouraging people I shrink into a hole...or at least I want to. Just last night I was not wanting to go to the Spotted Cow to meet with women from the church. Don't ask me why it's not like it's that hard. I get intimidated by groups of new people so every time I put myself in those situations I'm pretty far out of my comfort zone. It's also hard for me to let people get to know me so these are things I'm working on. I tried to be too busy to go so when I got home from work at 6 I talked on the phone even though I knew I was going to go for a run so I did that. Then I had to eat dinner and take a shower and it was still only 8:15. I knew that I was supposed to go because I really didn't want to. That's generally when I know God is telling me to do something. So I'm dressed, full, and ready to go. so I just start talking to Jesus and asking Him to help me and that I will be obedient even though I really don't want to. So I headed out the door and on the whole walk over I had to keep asking because everything in me wanted to turn around. I was pretty sure no one would miss me so it didn't really matter if I went. Plus what do I even have to offer. These are all things that go through my head on a regular basis when I'm doing something that is hard for me or out of my comfort zone...you get the picture. So finally I showed up, sat down, I was a little nervous/awkward at first but then I just quit worrying. Then Di had to leave early, she's the only one I've actually had a conversation with prior to that night mind you, and I almost had a panic attack. Then I just asked the Lord to bless me for being obedient and to not let me leave when she did. Let me just tell you by the time I left I knew it was time well spent. I only wished that I hadn't showed up so late.
So the battle that I one was just yesterday. I have built up some pretty big strongholds to protect myself from ever getting hurt by the people around me. I've clung to those like it was a matter of life and death. I now realize that it hurts quite a bit more to live a life of loneliness. It's like there's no hope and no one to really care because you don't let anyone get close enough to even know about it. So now it's out there and Satan can no longer have that one. It will continue to be a struggle and a process but I'm not in charge of it anymore.
I think that's how I see the battle of my mind. When I don't rely full on God Satan truly has the advantage. There is no way that I have a chance unless I rely on God. I have not lived a life full of freedom in Christ and just in these past few months I've been the one screaming FREEDOM. I am full of insecurities and it takes a lot for me to fight those. I struggle with loneliness sometimes and when opportunities come up to be around encouraging people I shrink into a hole...or at least I want to. Just last night I was not wanting to go to the Spotted Cow to meet with women from the church. Don't ask me why it's not like it's that hard. I get intimidated by groups of new people so every time I put myself in those situations I'm pretty far out of my comfort zone. It's also hard for me to let people get to know me so these are things I'm working on. I tried to be too busy to go so when I got home from work at 6 I talked on the phone even though I knew I was going to go for a run so I did that. Then I had to eat dinner and take a shower and it was still only 8:15. I knew that I was supposed to go because I really didn't want to. That's generally when I know God is telling me to do something. So I'm dressed, full, and ready to go. so I just start talking to Jesus and asking Him to help me and that I will be obedient even though I really don't want to. So I headed out the door and on the whole walk over I had to keep asking because everything in me wanted to turn around. I was pretty sure no one would miss me so it didn't really matter if I went. Plus what do I even have to offer. These are all things that go through my head on a regular basis when I'm doing something that is hard for me or out of my comfort zone...you get the picture. So finally I showed up, sat down, I was a little nervous/awkward at first but then I just quit worrying. Then Di had to leave early, she's the only one I've actually had a conversation with prior to that night mind you, and I almost had a panic attack. Then I just asked the Lord to bless me for being obedient and to not let me leave when she did. Let me just tell you by the time I left I knew it was time well spent. I only wished that I hadn't showed up so late.
So the battle that I one was just yesterday. I have built up some pretty big strongholds to protect myself from ever getting hurt by the people around me. I've clung to those like it was a matter of life and death. I now realize that it hurts quite a bit more to live a life of loneliness. It's like there's no hope and no one to really care because you don't let anyone get close enough to even know about it. So now it's out there and Satan can no longer have that one. It will continue to be a struggle and a process but I'm not in charge of it anymore.
posted by Glo | 8:14 PM
4 Comments:
Gloria, I'm so glad you stuck around last night! I enjoyed getting to know you. I know how you feel, going and getting involved with people you don't know is intimidating. I had to do the same thing when we started here at CCC. God honors your obedience, though and that makes the effort worth it! The fact that you are the one yelling "FREEDOM" is awesome. Keep pursuing that goal. With that attitude, you will reach it.
Gloria, What a wonderful personal application of what you are reading. I am blessed to hear the victory in your life. I hope you realize that you will be so sensitive to other people around you that are going through the same feelings and battles. God is using you to be a blessing in the lives of all of us. Thank you for allowing yourself to be vulnerable, we are inspired by your life.
I think it was God sending you to me because I went home so excited that I found a personal massage(I know it is spelled wrong, oh well) therapist for my sore muscles. I think you have so much more to offer than you think! Keep allowing God to use you even through this Bible Study.
I have dealt with such similar things. Thanks for being so honest. It's encouraging! And I agree, coffee is definitely in order. I would love to talk to you. :)
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