Fear of Man
I have had a major issue with fear in my life. It seems hard to believe now, because God has healed me and brought me so far from the place I was...even 5 or 6 years ago. My fear...was of leading worship! I know, it doesn't seem possible, because God has given me so much freedom in that area...and its not from me...but of God!
Since I started singing in church, in high school, God has been speaking to me about leading worship through His word, and random words of knowledge spoken to me all over the country. He would always repeat some of the same things....so I KNEW it was God. I knew it would happen someday....but how could it? I didn't have an amazing voice (like some other girls at my church), I didn't play an instrument, and I even know HOW to lead worship! It was like God tell me I was going to be a NASCAR driver....it just seemed so unattainable. Don't misunderstand...I sang ALL the time...but in a background role. To me, leading worship was like a sacred, cherished thing that only the elite, or super talented people got to do.
Have you ever wanted something so badly....but were afraid it wouldn't happen, so you just rejected the idea all together? That is what I did. I rejected the idea. It wasn't until I started dating my husband....that anyone ever addressed this sin with me. This sing of letting my FEAR chose what I would and would not do. He knew that I wrote songs...and played guitar...but I wouldn't play any of my songs for him, or anyone else. It just wasn't an option. The fear gripped me so badly, there was NO WAY I would ever show anyone my sacred songs to Jesus. What if they didn't like them, or just didn't LOVE them? What if I sang off tune, or messed up? But once he was bold enough to tell me that I had the fear of man....it was almost like someone slapped me in the face! What was I so afraid of? Rejection. And maybe messing up the one thing that I knew that God wanted me to do.
About 4 years ago, one of the worship leaders at my church...and a mentor of mine, saw that God had more for me in the area of worship and gave me opportunities to lead songs once in a while. Even though I still knew that this was what God wanted me to do, I fought her on it every time! The enemy's grip on me was so strong! I chose to move forward, and I told God that I would lead anytime she asked me to, even though I was so fearful. God blessed my obedience...and one day...a light bulb went off! The Holy Spirit showed me that it was OK to be scared...Because in my weakness, God's power is made perfect (2 Corinthians 12:9). I might mess up, I might sing off key, but its God's power, not my worship leading (or whatever God has called YOU to do) that draws people into his presence. He blesses obedience. So I had to make a choice to look at the wall of fear that was in front of me...holding me back, crippling me, and acknowledge it. I chose to walk around the wall of fear and walk toward what God has created me to do. It didn't mean that the fear didn't exist, but I didn't let me hold me back anymore. I trusted God to give me the the skills and tools that I needed, and trusted him to open the doors when the time was right. Later that year, I took over for my mentor, when she moved to another church. As I was obedient, the fear subsided, and the enemy didn't have a grip on me anymore.
For me my freedom and peace is precious. I know what it is to be crippled by fear. I don't have to worry anymore if I sing off key, or mess up. I only answer to God....and he knows my heart. God has shown me so much....that sometimes we have to CHOSE with our head, and act on what we know to be truth, rather than letting our emotions...fear, doubt, and worry be our guide.
Since I started singing in church, in high school, God has been speaking to me about leading worship through His word, and random words of knowledge spoken to me all over the country. He would always repeat some of the same things....so I KNEW it was God. I knew it would happen someday....but how could it? I didn't have an amazing voice (like some other girls at my church), I didn't play an instrument, and I even know HOW to lead worship! It was like God tell me I was going to be a NASCAR driver....it just seemed so unattainable. Don't misunderstand...I sang ALL the time...but in a background role. To me, leading worship was like a sacred, cherished thing that only the elite, or super talented people got to do.
Have you ever wanted something so badly....but were afraid it wouldn't happen, so you just rejected the idea all together? That is what I did. I rejected the idea. It wasn't until I started dating my husband....that anyone ever addressed this sin with me. This sing of letting my FEAR chose what I would and would not do. He knew that I wrote songs...and played guitar...but I wouldn't play any of my songs for him, or anyone else. It just wasn't an option. The fear gripped me so badly, there was NO WAY I would ever show anyone my sacred songs to Jesus. What if they didn't like them, or just didn't LOVE them? What if I sang off tune, or messed up? But once he was bold enough to tell me that I had the fear of man....it was almost like someone slapped me in the face! What was I so afraid of? Rejection. And maybe messing up the one thing that I knew that God wanted me to do.
About 4 years ago, one of the worship leaders at my church...and a mentor of mine, saw that God had more for me in the area of worship and gave me opportunities to lead songs once in a while. Even though I still knew that this was what God wanted me to do, I fought her on it every time! The enemy's grip on me was so strong! I chose to move forward, and I told God that I would lead anytime she asked me to, even though I was so fearful. God blessed my obedience...and one day...a light bulb went off! The Holy Spirit showed me that it was OK to be scared...Because in my weakness, God's power is made perfect (2 Corinthians 12:9). I might mess up, I might sing off key, but its God's power, not my worship leading (or whatever God has called YOU to do) that draws people into his presence. He blesses obedience. So I had to make a choice to look at the wall of fear that was in front of me...holding me back, crippling me, and acknowledge it. I chose to walk around the wall of fear and walk toward what God has created me to do. It didn't mean that the fear didn't exist, but I didn't let me hold me back anymore. I trusted God to give me the the skills and tools that I needed, and trusted him to open the doors when the time was right. Later that year, I took over for my mentor, when she moved to another church. As I was obedient, the fear subsided, and the enemy didn't have a grip on me anymore.
For me my freedom and peace is precious. I know what it is to be crippled by fear. I don't have to worry anymore if I sing off key, or mess up. I only answer to God....and he knows my heart. God has shown me so much....that sometimes we have to CHOSE with our head, and act on what we know to be truth, rather than letting our emotions...fear, doubt, and worry be our guide.
posted by Kaylee Eylander | 8:44 PM
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