From Pamela Amburgey
Here's a post by Pam. She was unable to post this herself.
Sonya, I had a situation with Raschelle during my first trimester - there were a couple of times where my "body was trying to have a miscarriage," as the docs told me. You see, I'm a disabled veteran from a surgery that the military docs did back in 1985; that surgery left me wounded for life and I was told that I would never be able to have children. Well, as true as Raschelle is today, she was stubborn and wanted to join the world! It was also during this time that her 'father' was abusing me - kicking me in the stomach while pregnant, kicking me in the legs, hitting - well, you get the picture. However, Raschelle stayed with me through those 9 months, and has been a blessing to me for the last 16 years. I never gave up during those trying years with my ex-husband - I don't believe in divorce; however, I don't believe in being someone's hitting bag either. When 'Schelle was a toddler, my ex would try to teach her to call me bad names - between the abuse and how he thought he was raising our daughter (which he didn't want - he wanted a boy), I told him that the marriage was over. You all know what happened next from my previous post -- the 9mm came out and had it pointed directly at me (while holding Raschelle). Being a military veteran, what I did next surprised me just as it did him. With Raschelle in my arms, I ran to the back door - he pursued us and grabbed my arm. As soon as I felt him grab me, I did a defensive tactic that I learned in the military (he as Army, I was Air Force) and then told him, and please don't think less of me, but I said, "if you have enough guts to aim that 9mm at me with our daughter in my arms, you better not miss -- don't forget, I'm trained just as much as you to defend myself - plus, I have God on my side and He'll see Raschelle and I through this. Now are you ready for this?" Then from either blind anger or fear for 'Schelle's and my life, I thrust my fist in to his sternum and he went down with the air knocked out of him. When he got composed, he called my dad and told him to come and get Raschelle and me. My dad was on the next flight, loaded the U-Haul and before we left my dad approached my ex and told him, "This is your last chance to save this marriage and watch your daughter grow up." My ex replied, "No, I'm staying." My dad's last comment to him will always stay with me: "Then go to the front seat and kiss your only worldly possession goodbye." He was speaking of Raschelle. Then my ex-mother-in-law came up to me and threatened me with, "If we ever get a hold of Raschelle, you'll never see her again." Well, the northern woman in me (I was in the deep south where women didn't talk back to the husband or the husband's family - maybe that was why I was treated the way I was because I didn't follow "their rules). I basically stated, "You'll never see her again - at least not until she's an adult - my mother instincts took over from there. I have raised Raschelle ever since, and though I have had financial difficulty, and sometimes struggle with it today, I always knew that God would be with us. I have lived off of $5 a month after bills - I have worked my way up the ladder, and I still plan on climbing. I have cried to God, I have prayed to Him, and I have gotten angry for fear and worry as to what was going to happen next. Well, God never gives us too much to handle as I soon found out.
Raschelle was diagnosed (early) with ADHD and SLD - specific learning disabilities; I sat numb not knowing what any of this meant. What the heck were all of these acronyms? Where do I go for help? Can I get help with this for my daughter? I turned to the State - I made too much money ($25k back then) for receiving any financial assistance. Too much? So I started researching what my child was going through. I needed to find a psychologist for Raschelle - she was remembering what had happened that evening with the gun (I never talked to her about - but, she started to have nightmares). I had to wrestle with the idea of meds or no meds for the ADHD/SLD - I didn't want my child labeled at school. How was I going to support us, plus all these extra medical costs and medications on $25K a year? Fear and worry. I am a very independent person, so I never asked for help - luckily I had a family that was very supportive.
Through the years, Raschelle has asked questions about her father; I have explained as she would understand at the age she was at. A couple of years ago, she got really angry at me and wanted to know why I left her father. The day had come that I had feared - I had to tell her what had gone on. I turned the T.V. off, turned the phones off, got us something to drink and sat down to tell her everything that had happened. I ended my conversation with this, "If I hadn't left when I had, I wouldn't be here today to be your mom - and I would have no clue how your life would've turned out." We both cried and talked some more - how do you tell your child that her father didn't want anything to do with her? Well, I didn't - I decided that when she's a grown adult, I might share it then. For now, I told her when she's 18 that if she wants to find her father, I'll help her and she can decide if she wants to have a relationship with him; however, not until she's 18 and out of high school - for her safety and my sanity of keeping us from any harm.
I have had a lot of fear and worry in my life; I've survived things that nobody else possibly could and be here today to talk about it. All along I had someone with me - Jesus; He never left my side though I thought sometimes He was on vacation. We always seem to ask Jesus to guide us down the right path; to make the right choices, to be the best parent and be able to provide. However, I have noticed (at least in my life) that Jesus will answer when He's ready to provide an answer. I believe that He allows us to try to correct what we've done wrong or get over that hump on our own, but He's there to catch us if we fall again. He's been there with me all the time and is today. I am always talking to Him, praying out loud to Him and letting Him know that I am worried about a bill, or that I worry about Raschelle and her new high school and having to make new friends. I do worry about her schoolwork and if I am going to be able to help her at home with it. I think that a parent's concern or worry will really never go away - just as Jesus' worry and concern never goes away about us. I have handed over things to Him - and I still do. I just have to have patience in receiving His answer and recommendation on how to fix things and what path I need to take. I have found peace within myself; however, as a parent of a teenager the concern is there as she approaches graduation in two years on how well I've raised her and pray that she'll be successful in the career that she chooses and in her life with Jesus at her side.
Sonya, I had a situation with Raschelle during my first trimester - there were a couple of times where my "body was trying to have a miscarriage," as the docs told me. You see, I'm a disabled veteran from a surgery that the military docs did back in 1985; that surgery left me wounded for life and I was told that I would never be able to have children. Well, as true as Raschelle is today, she was stubborn and wanted to join the world! It was also during this time that her 'father' was abusing me - kicking me in the stomach while pregnant, kicking me in the legs, hitting - well, you get the picture. However, Raschelle stayed with me through those 9 months, and has been a blessing to me for the last 16 years. I never gave up during those trying years with my ex-husband - I don't believe in divorce; however, I don't believe in being someone's hitting bag either. When 'Schelle was a toddler, my ex would try to teach her to call me bad names - between the abuse and how he thought he was raising our daughter (which he didn't want - he wanted a boy), I told him that the marriage was over. You all know what happened next from my previous post -- the 9mm came out and had it pointed directly at me (while holding Raschelle). Being a military veteran, what I did next surprised me just as it did him. With Raschelle in my arms, I ran to the back door - he pursued us and grabbed my arm. As soon as I felt him grab me, I did a defensive tactic that I learned in the military (he as Army, I was Air Force) and then told him, and please don't think less of me, but I said, "if you have enough guts to aim that 9mm at me with our daughter in my arms, you better not miss -- don't forget, I'm trained just as much as you to defend myself - plus, I have God on my side and He'll see Raschelle and I through this. Now are you ready for this?" Then from either blind anger or fear for 'Schelle's and my life, I thrust my fist in to his sternum and he went down with the air knocked out of him. When he got composed, he called my dad and told him to come and get Raschelle and me. My dad was on the next flight, loaded the U-Haul and before we left my dad approached my ex and told him, "This is your last chance to save this marriage and watch your daughter grow up." My ex replied, "No, I'm staying." My dad's last comment to him will always stay with me: "Then go to the front seat and kiss your only worldly possession goodbye." He was speaking of Raschelle. Then my ex-mother-in-law came up to me and threatened me with, "If we ever get a hold of Raschelle, you'll never see her again." Well, the northern woman in me (I was in the deep south where women didn't talk back to the husband or the husband's family - maybe that was why I was treated the way I was because I didn't follow "their rules). I basically stated, "You'll never see her again - at least not until she's an adult - my mother instincts took over from there. I have raised Raschelle ever since, and though I have had financial difficulty, and sometimes struggle with it today, I always knew that God would be with us. I have lived off of $5 a month after bills - I have worked my way up the ladder, and I still plan on climbing. I have cried to God, I have prayed to Him, and I have gotten angry for fear and worry as to what was going to happen next. Well, God never gives us too much to handle as I soon found out.
Raschelle was diagnosed (early) with ADHD and SLD - specific learning disabilities; I sat numb not knowing what any of this meant. What the heck were all of these acronyms? Where do I go for help? Can I get help with this for my daughter? I turned to the State - I made too much money ($25k back then) for receiving any financial assistance. Too much? So I started researching what my child was going through. I needed to find a psychologist for Raschelle - she was remembering what had happened that evening with the gun (I never talked to her about - but, she started to have nightmares). I had to wrestle with the idea of meds or no meds for the ADHD/SLD - I didn't want my child labeled at school. How was I going to support us, plus all these extra medical costs and medications on $25K a year? Fear and worry. I am a very independent person, so I never asked for help - luckily I had a family that was very supportive.
Through the years, Raschelle has asked questions about her father; I have explained as she would understand at the age she was at. A couple of years ago, she got really angry at me and wanted to know why I left her father. The day had come that I had feared - I had to tell her what had gone on. I turned the T.V. off, turned the phones off, got us something to drink and sat down to tell her everything that had happened. I ended my conversation with this, "If I hadn't left when I had, I wouldn't be here today to be your mom - and I would have no clue how your life would've turned out." We both cried and talked some more - how do you tell your child that her father didn't want anything to do with her? Well, I didn't - I decided that when she's a grown adult, I might share it then. For now, I told her when she's 18 that if she wants to find her father, I'll help her and she can decide if she wants to have a relationship with him; however, not until she's 18 and out of high school - for her safety and my sanity of keeping us from any harm.
I have had a lot of fear and worry in my life; I've survived things that nobody else possibly could and be here today to talk about it. All along I had someone with me - Jesus; He never left my side though I thought sometimes He was on vacation. We always seem to ask Jesus to guide us down the right path; to make the right choices, to be the best parent and be able to provide. However, I have noticed (at least in my life) that Jesus will answer when He's ready to provide an answer. I believe that He allows us to try to correct what we've done wrong or get over that hump on our own, but He's there to catch us if we fall again. He's been there with me all the time and is today. I am always talking to Him, praying out loud to Him and letting Him know that I am worried about a bill, or that I worry about Raschelle and her new high school and having to make new friends. I do worry about her schoolwork and if I am going to be able to help her at home with it. I think that a parent's concern or worry will really never go away - just as Jesus' worry and concern never goes away about us. I have handed over things to Him - and I still do. I just have to have patience in receiving His answer and recommendation on how to fix things and what path I need to take. I have found peace within myself; however, as a parent of a teenager the concern is there as she approaches graduation in two years on how well I've raised her and pray that she'll be successful in the career that she chooses and in her life with Jesus at her side.
posted by Sonya Day | 12:29 PM
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