I found peace when I finally let go of my will and accepted God's will for my life.

My dream since I was a little girl was to be a wife & mom. I found my husband when I was 29, but the mom part didn't come easy. We spent years trying both with and without medical intervention with no success. The doctors could not find anything wrong with either me or my husband. This was really hard for me. I never let anyone know how I felt, but would wait until I was alone (usually in the car) and would cry before God. Then I'd pull it together, unpuff my eyes, put on my "joyful" smile and tell everyone I trusted God and whatever gift he gave me I was completely content.

After years passed and I'd cried enough tears to make a river, I felt crushed, abandoned, empty. My husband was so full of peace and I wanted it too, but couldn't get it. I'd tell myself I must have done something so horrible it was unforgiveable and this was my punishment or that God must hate me. Although, the Holy Spirit would INSTANTLY burn in my spirit until I rebuked those words & thoughts. :0) I knew in my head they weren't true, but the enemy had a field day with lies piercing my heart.

I finally reached a point where I couldn't take the disappointment any longer and laid it all down and relented to God's will and whatever he chose for me. It was at this point that I found peace. Whatever the outcome, I am a child of God and I trust his wisdom for my life and it may not turn out the way I wanted it, but it will always turn out the way God intended it and that gives an abundance of peace. Once I had peace, I also found true joy.