Worrying for Nothing
It is hard to decide which one holds me back more - fear or worry. My mom has always been a worrier and I probably inherited some of my worrying from her while growing up.
I had been a stay at home mom for 6-1/2 years and when I had to go back to work Jeremy was still in a co-op preschool and Jonathan was in Kindergarten. I spent most of my time worrying about how their world was going to change when I could no longer be with them all day. I worried about how I was going to continue in a co-op preschool, as I was also responsible for (2) other kids in our carpool and part of being in a co-op meant you had to work one day per week, attend parent education meetings and have a job in the school. I was also helping out in Jonathan's kindergarten classroom and didn't want to give that up.
I worried about how I was going to cope being away from my babies and how it would change my parents relationship with me and them. My parents were now being put in a caretaker role and when my brother and I misbehaved when we were growing up, my dad gave us a spanking. I didn't know how my dad would discipline them when they acted up. Grandparents are supposed to spoil their grandchildren and I didn't want that to change!
I also worried about starting a new job after having children. I have always given 110% for each of the jobs I held. Having children changed the way I would be able to work because I had to be on a fixed schedule and couldn't come in early or stay late. Even though I had help from my parents and my other preschool moms in our carpool, I was exhaused from all of the driving and constant worrying about dropping the ball.
This change affected my relationship with my husband as well. We had our share of problems before all of this, but it was he who quit his job without another lined up and my world and the kids' was turned upside down because of that decision. I felt so much anger, but in reality I was really scared. He left his job in August 1999, and thought he would be hired in a similar position right away, so I didn't start to look for a job until late January 2000. In the meantime, we used up what savings we had, depleted our 401K, and ran up the credit cards. This made me feel trapped in my job because I HAD to earn a certain amount and could not take a "fun" job like working at Starbucks and be able to work nights and/or weekends.
I had the fear of disappointing people because I wasn't able to be 100% to everyone. Working part-time, I could't give 100% to my employer and since everyone else in the office works full time, I didn't feel "connected". I wasn't available to volunteer in the classrooms as much, and if there was a field trip or special project on a day I worked I couldn't go. I wasn't able to give the kids 100% because my time was so split up.
To fast forward, this is what I have learned. Even though this has been a difficult journey (my kids are now 11 and 14), I believe God directed my life this way for many reasons. It wasn't the way I would have written the script, but thats why it is so important to have trust in God and faith that things will work out in the end.
The first thing I learned was that it was good for me to go back to work. It would have been nice to wait until the kids were a little older, but that didn't happen. It was nice to be able to go for a cup of coffee or to a restaurant and have adult conversations with other professionals and not have to eat at McDonalds and share my food! Even though I LOVED being a stay at home mom (and, of course, was never home!), there was something missing. I felt that I lost part of myself, mostly the intellectual part, because I was always focused on kids. If it wasn't my kids, it was others' since preschool consumed four days each week. My world revolved around kids, especially ours, and that probably wasn't healthy for me, my husband or them.
The second thing I learned was that even though my parents and I had a great relationship and were close, we became even closer. I saw my parents 3-4 times a week and as it turned out the boys have a wonderful relationship with my parents. They both (my parents and kids), have learned so many things about each other and I don't believe they would be as close today if it weren't for their generous offer to help with the kids. They saw it as a privilege and would not take money (I do buy gifts and give money to help with food) because they wanted to help us. The boys still go to their house during school holidays, teacher work days, etc.. and spend a couple of days there each week during the summer. They look forward to spending time with them and never complain about having to go to Ma and Pa's house. And they never got a spanking from my Dad!
The third thing I learned was that the kids COULD be without me and handle transitions much better that I can. My mom stayed at home until I was 12 and my husband's mom never worked outside the house, so I worried that our kids wouldn't have the same upbringing. In fact, kids only know how their family is and don't know what it's like to experience the way we were raised. We have been fortunate in that we have never had to put our kids in a day care, due to mine and my husbands employers to allow us to have flexibility in our schedules and help from my family.
The last thing I learned was that I have spent way too much of my life worrying about things that never materialized. I still have the same job that I started 7-1/2years ago, we are still living in the same house (and never did miss a mortgage payment), my husband and I are still married (happily) and my parents and boys have a great relationship and love one another dearly. On the downside, I still worry, we still have debt and I still worry about transitions!
I have heard that God never gives us more than we can handle, and I need to remember this and know that if I fall He will pick me up.
I had been a stay at home mom for 6-1/2 years and when I had to go back to work Jeremy was still in a co-op preschool and Jonathan was in Kindergarten. I spent most of my time worrying about how their world was going to change when I could no longer be with them all day. I worried about how I was going to continue in a co-op preschool, as I was also responsible for (2) other kids in our carpool and part of being in a co-op meant you had to work one day per week, attend parent education meetings and have a job in the school. I was also helping out in Jonathan's kindergarten classroom and didn't want to give that up.
I worried about how I was going to cope being away from my babies and how it would change my parents relationship with me and them. My parents were now being put in a caretaker role and when my brother and I misbehaved when we were growing up, my dad gave us a spanking. I didn't know how my dad would discipline them when they acted up. Grandparents are supposed to spoil their grandchildren and I didn't want that to change!
I also worried about starting a new job after having children. I have always given 110% for each of the jobs I held. Having children changed the way I would be able to work because I had to be on a fixed schedule and couldn't come in early or stay late. Even though I had help from my parents and my other preschool moms in our carpool, I was exhaused from all of the driving and constant worrying about dropping the ball.
This change affected my relationship with my husband as well. We had our share of problems before all of this, but it was he who quit his job without another lined up and my world and the kids' was turned upside down because of that decision. I felt so much anger, but in reality I was really scared. He left his job in August 1999, and thought he would be hired in a similar position right away, so I didn't start to look for a job until late January 2000. In the meantime, we used up what savings we had, depleted our 401K, and ran up the credit cards. This made me feel trapped in my job because I HAD to earn a certain amount and could not take a "fun" job like working at Starbucks and be able to work nights and/or weekends.
I had the fear of disappointing people because I wasn't able to be 100% to everyone. Working part-time, I could't give 100% to my employer and since everyone else in the office works full time, I didn't feel "connected". I wasn't available to volunteer in the classrooms as much, and if there was a field trip or special project on a day I worked I couldn't go. I wasn't able to give the kids 100% because my time was so split up.
To fast forward, this is what I have learned. Even though this has been a difficult journey (my kids are now 11 and 14), I believe God directed my life this way for many reasons. It wasn't the way I would have written the script, but thats why it is so important to have trust in God and faith that things will work out in the end.
The first thing I learned was that it was good for me to go back to work. It would have been nice to wait until the kids were a little older, but that didn't happen. It was nice to be able to go for a cup of coffee or to a restaurant and have adult conversations with other professionals and not have to eat at McDonalds and share my food! Even though I LOVED being a stay at home mom (and, of course, was never home!), there was something missing. I felt that I lost part of myself, mostly the intellectual part, because I was always focused on kids. If it wasn't my kids, it was others' since preschool consumed four days each week. My world revolved around kids, especially ours, and that probably wasn't healthy for me, my husband or them.
The second thing I learned was that even though my parents and I had a great relationship and were close, we became even closer. I saw my parents 3-4 times a week and as it turned out the boys have a wonderful relationship with my parents. They both (my parents and kids), have learned so many things about each other and I don't believe they would be as close today if it weren't for their generous offer to help with the kids. They saw it as a privilege and would not take money (I do buy gifts and give money to help with food) because they wanted to help us. The boys still go to their house during school holidays, teacher work days, etc.. and spend a couple of days there each week during the summer. They look forward to spending time with them and never complain about having to go to Ma and Pa's house. And they never got a spanking from my Dad!
The third thing I learned was that the kids COULD be without me and handle transitions much better that I can. My mom stayed at home until I was 12 and my husband's mom never worked outside the house, so I worried that our kids wouldn't have the same upbringing. In fact, kids only know how their family is and don't know what it's like to experience the way we were raised. We have been fortunate in that we have never had to put our kids in a day care, due to mine and my husbands employers to allow us to have flexibility in our schedules and help from my family.
The last thing I learned was that I have spent way too much of my life worrying about things that never materialized. I still have the same job that I started 7-1/2years ago, we are still living in the same house (and never did miss a mortgage payment), my husband and I are still married (happily) and my parents and boys have a great relationship and love one another dearly. On the downside, I still worry, we still have debt and I still worry about transitions!
I have heard that God never gives us more than we can handle, and I need to remember this and know that if I fall He will pick me up.
posted by Anonymous | 7:53 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home