Everyone needs a coach

To preface this week's lesson, I should let you know that I found myself writing in an unexpected direction. This week's study is entirely practical, so please, don't delete it before you read it and allow yourself to be challenged by it. I believe wholeheartedly that the direction is Holy Spirit led and therefore important for every one of us to consider.
have a great week!
di

Everyone needs a coach

I have been coached by many people in my life. Parents, teachers, sports coaches, music instructors, pastors and spiritual leaders all played a huge role in my life and in who I am today. Every one of those people had one common goal for me; they desired to make me better. Some, like my soccer coach, encouraged and motivated me, and some, like my ski instructor, let me try hard things and take hard falls knowing I’d ask for help after experiencing pain. Some of my coaches, like my softball coach, rode my case in order to get me to give my all, and some, like my music instructor, put me in direct competition with others knowing I would rise to the challenge. I am grateful to every coach I’ve had. I haven’t always gotten along with all of them, but I am thankful for their desire to see me give my best in every circumstance. Most recently, I had a “life coach.” My life coach’s job was to be like a spiritual mentor whose job it was to ask me the “hard questions” and to help me navigate my way through difficult circumstances. She forced me to be honest about who I really am and what I really struggle with.

I have also been a coach in many instances. I have coached people in athletic settings, educational settings, behavioral and relational settings, and in their spiritual lives. One of my favorite coaching experiences was training a drama team for 10 years that traveled across the country doing ministry. For 10 years I motivated young people to pursue Jesus and use their creativity and giftings for Him. It was in the first few years of coaching ministry teams that I came up with my life motto “There’s more for you,” which is a phrase I coach myself with still to this day! After many years in a coaching role, I have learned a few things about coaching, the first one being that I was born to coach. I never tire of the thrill of pushing, motivating or inspiring someone (or a whole bunch of someones!) to strive for more; especially if it is more of Jesus. Don’t misunderstand, coaching can be EXHAUSTING work, but I live to push people to go beyond what they thought they could do or be. I get out of bed in the morning to push people to pursue the Lord with passion and hunger. I feel accomplished when God uses me to speak truth to someone to make them a stronger person. But another thing I have learned about coaching is that not many people actually want to be coached. To explain, I think we need to define a coach.

Coaching, by definition, entails the application of sports (or other) tactics and strategies during a game or contest and usually entails substitution of players and other such actions as needed. In my experience, coaches also train, instruct, motivate, and encourage. Coaches assess the game play of players and make the difficult decisions to correct, rebuke, or bench a player who is not performing well. Coaches have authority, passion for “the game” and hopefully, have love for the well being of their players. The best coaches care even more for the growth of the individual, than they do for the success of the team; and let me say from experience, that is HARD.

Let’s add to our definition of a coach, by explaining what a coach is NOT. A coach is not a cheerleader…though they may cheer for us. A coach is not a role model, though you and I may end up wanting to model ourselves after them. A coach is not a counselor, though we may ask for their advice, and a coach is not a mentor, though we may want to be molded to become more like them. In my opinion, a coach may DO all of those things, but they are not what a coach IS. I have had many many people, over the course of almost 2 decades in ministry, ask me if I would mentor them. I have come to understand that when someone asks me that, they usually mean that they either want me to LISTEN to them talk a lot and occasionally give advice (counselor), they want me to tell them constantly how great they are and that they can “make it” (cheerleader), or they just want to call me their mentor, watch me from a distance and admire me (role model). What they DO NOT want is for me to simultaneously encourage them, while pointing out potential weak and/or blind spots for them to work on. They do not want to be told that they are not performing well in an area, or that they can do better at something they are doing half heartedly. Essentially, they do not want to be COACHED. So over the years, I have learned to reply to someone’s request for me to mentor them with a “no.” I don’t mentor, I coach. Semantics you might think, but I think it makes all the difference in the world.

In studying the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22) we find ourselves considering the fruit of goodness. The Greek word for goodness is agathosune which means energized, expressing itself in….benevolent, active good. It does not spare sharpness and rebuke to cause good in others. In fact, a person may “display agathosune, his zeal for goodness and truth, in rebuking, correcting or chastising.” I don’t know if you thought of goodness as being rebuke, correcting or chastising but the fruit of goodness, coupled with the fruit of kindess, actually compels people to draw closer to Christ. It seems to me that coaching was God’s idea!

You and I are on this earth for a reason. The Bible says in Ephesians 2:10, that “we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works…” We were not created to be SAVED by our good works, but we were created to DO good to others! We have a purpose, and it is not to just get up every day, take care of kids, go to work, run errands like crazy people, make a fast dinner, do housework and fall into bed exhausted just to get up the next day and do it all over again! Some of those “good works” are strictly to please our Father in heaven (see Matthew 25:15 the parable of the talents) and some of those good works are for the “common good” or the benefit of the church body (see I Corinthians 12:7-11 re: spiritual gifts) and some of those good works involve coaching others in their relationship with Jesus.

I am convinced that every one of us needs to have a coach and be a coach. Every one of us needs at least one person that we allow to speak the truth to us, even when it hurts. We also need to be speaking truth to others around us. I say this carefully because truly, people have to want to be coached….so you may have to wait a while for that opportunity to present itself to you. In the meantime, those of us with children have definite coaching available to us, while we watch for the opportunity to coach another along in the journey of a relationship with Jesus. There are all kinds of relationships we have in our lives; siblings, parents, children, spouses, coworkers etc. But there are also different depths of relationships. All of us have draining relationships, mutual relationships, filling relationships, and sharpening or giving relationships (I am sure there are others, but this is for our purposes here). Draining relationships are those that are mostly “one way;” you pouring into someone else who needs you. Some of you spend all of your time right there….and you wonder why you are so exhausted all of the time! Mutual relationships are those you have with people fairly equal to yourself. Sometimes they need you, and sometimes you need them. This can be in a work setting, or at a very deep level; and in those relationships of spiritual nature, hopefully some accountability is happening too. Filling relationships are those where you are the predominant recipient. Whether you are being coached, mentored, counseled or taught by someone, THEY are giving to YOU. And finally, sharpening, or giving relationships are those where you are coaching someone else. This is not usually draining, it is envigorating, and actually tends to sharpen YOU as you sharpen someone else.

As we think about the fruit of the Spirit called goodness, my thoughts for you can be summed up in this. We all need a coach, someone who has that goodness operating in and through them; someone who “does not spare sharpness or rebuke to cause good in US.” It is our responsibility to seek out the coaches in our lives and ask for their wisdom; and for God’s help to receive it! But we also need to BE coaching others. If we truly care about each other, we will look for opportunities to cause good in others.

Your Asssignment

If you have a coach in your life right now, assess whether or not you are allowing them to operate as a coach in your life and post to the group how you are doing in being coached.

If you do not have a coach in your life right now, post how you feel about the idea.

If you are actively coaching someone else, post what has been the best thing about it, and what has been the most difficult.

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