Finding balance in separation...

In reading Tabi's post a little light was shone on my own life. After my divorce I went on a journey of discovering who I am in Christ. Honestly, it's been quite the ride over the last year, but I think I finally understand what it means to be whole in Christ. I know now what it really means to not rely on another human to fulfill me, or to "make me happy." Happiness comes from Christ within. Though I do finally feel whole, I do still have a desire for a relationship. This is where my struggle is. It's not that I don't trust God to make that happen when the time is right, but trying to figure out what, if any part, I play in the process. I've seen women who are constantly "on the hunt" for a mate, I find that not so attractive... I've also seen women who are passively "waiting" for Mr. Right to come to their doorstep so they can start their life. I'm somewhere in the middle... I want to wait on God, but I know if I'm not out there making friends, building relationships, I'm not likely to meet anyone. Here's where I need to find a happy medium. I've joined a couple (2) online dating sites (Christian Mingle and EHarmony) and have talked to a few people, and actually made some good friendships, but I find myself constantly checking these sites to see who's looked at my profile, to see if anyone has emailed me, to see if that one guy responded yet... In our book, Priscilla mentions that Satan laughs when she starts to spend time with God, but then she checks her email first... I am in constant communication with God throughout the day, and my quiet time is right before bed, but I feel like I have so many other opportunities to spend time with Him and I don't take them... I feel like by checking these sites that I'm telling God I don't trust him... but then I justify checking them by saying, "I'm just doing my part..." Kind of like the blond who asks God over and over that she would win the lottery and she gets mad at Him cause she doesn't until he finally comes down and says, "You have to at least buy a ticket..." I don't want to be that blond who doesn't do her part, but I don't want to be obsessed with the "hunt" that I forget who's in control. I've given most everything else over to God... and have even given Him my love life... But feel I still have to do my part... and that plays into asking him to make a change in the world... we have to play our part in that too. So, I guess it's finding balance between obsession and playing my part...

Not sure if anyone has had similar struggles... Have a blessed day!

In Christ,

Mari